Pretentious office coffee, Day 1:

"Bryan doesn't drive a 1M" (bryantakespictures) 01/10/2018 at 11:10 • Filed to: None

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I’ve put up with the terrible coffee that our office coffee robot makes for far too long. Just so you can place me on the coffee spectrum, I work in Seattle and care about good coffee, but I won’t refuse to drink Starbucks or bad office coffee. At home, I make good coffee, usually using an aeropress.

Visual approximation of coffee robot:

I decided this year, that I’d had enough of that horrible coffee robot coffee, but I also wanted the slowest, most meticulous process for making my morning office coffee. You get more of a placebo effect if your “medicine” is harder to prepare, and I also want to keep myself from over-indulging. Also, I figure if preparing my coffee this way ever feels like too much work, there are lots of steps I can take before going back to the arms of the abusive coffee robot.

So I settled on a Kalita Wave pour over... uh, device, and a hand burr grinder, for stealth, cost effectiveness, and exercise. Pretentious level 5000!

My first attempt went badly. I was lazy and ground the coffee on the most coarse setting and then poured an entire cup’s worth of hot water over the beans at once (the user manual is only in Japanese). The water went right through and the result did not even approximate coffee. Damn.

Undeterred (well, maybe a little deterred), I set my grinder to a finer setting and googled how the hell to make pour over coffee. It took a little longer to grind at this setting, but not too bad. Maybe 2 minutes? I followed the instructions this time, letting the coffee “bloom” and adding less water at a time.

The result? Awesome! It was a fantastic cup of coffee that is way better than the robot makes and even better than the very good coffee shop in our building, but mostly because I chose beans that I like better.

Once I stop making mistakes, this method will only take about 5 minutes, which is faster than going to the coffee shop and really not that bad. I have zero complaints about the taste and would gladly pay $5 for a cup that tastes like this.

I’ll finish out the bag of beans this way, but I can see going even further into pretentiousness and getting a scale and then possibly my own kettle. Goose-neck, obviously.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 11:38

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I’m a fan and use frequently a Chemex. Otherwise french press with good beans.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 01/10/2018 at 11:42

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I love french press, but for some reason I wouldn’t want it every day. I’ll go back to the aeropress if the pour over thing doesn’t do it for me, but so far I’m happy with it.

Transit > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 11:44

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That sounds heavenly. What do those devices go for, if you don’t mind my asking?

Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 11:47

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I do aero press at work 2-3 times a week.I thought it made the most sense because it’s small. Pour over might be a better all in all option. Aero press is just a little on the messy side and you make a little smaller amount. Hmmmm... I may snag our pour over from home.

Pour over done correctly is some of the best coffee.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > Transit 01/10/2018 at 11:49

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About $20 for the hand grinder and $20 for the (small size) pour-over.

random001 > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 11:53

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You are almost with us, brother. Soon....soon....

random001 > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 12:01

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I’ve been doing pour over for a few years now at home, I also got tired of office crappy, so I have a full setup. Start with the water. I use a big Zero Water filter pitcher to get good water. I have an electric kettle to heat the water. On my grinder it has settings 1-16, I use 9. You got the bloom down, remember to spiral pour the water in. And seriously, get a filter pitcher, you won’t believe the difference.

And when you’re truly ready, join us!

vicali > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 12:10

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Gave the robot a break last fall, now I’m strictly Aeropress at home, Bodum at work..

Bluecold > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 12:10

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hot take: I don’t consider aeropress good. Everybody raves about it, but for me all the cups I had (roughly five) were all dissappointing, and all from very reputable shops.

I do like the Wave. Rather more forgiving than a v60.

Mid Engine > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 12:21

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Beard? Hat? Skinny tie? Live in Queen Anne?

Jason Spears > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 12:23

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When you use a gooseneck, at what step and how do you measure the water?

SmugAardvark > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 12:29

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I’ve just recently started buying whole bean coffee. For years, I never understood the hype. You pay pretty much the same amount, but you’re adding an extra step for yourself.

But now, I totally get it. I got myself a grinder and an Aeropress for the house. It hardly takes longer, and the finished product is well worth the effort. Not only that, but I’m also using the coffee beans for all kinds of other stuff too. Two examples: homebrewing beer (most stouts and porters are great with 4-8 oz. of coffee beans), and coating them with “special” chocolate for weekend trips up to Tahoe.

Side note: You get bonus points for including Penny Arcade.

Textured Soy Protein > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 12:30

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At home I have a Bonavita pour-over machine where it has the usual pour-over thingie on top of a carafe and the machine showers a bit of water on the grinds at regular intervals so the coffee drips steadily out of the little hole in the pour-over thingie. I set my burr grinder about 3/8 of the way up from fine to coarse.

I bring a 20 oz tumbler of coffee from this machine with me to work in the morning. Sometimes I get a refill from the work swill though.

Svend > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 12:34

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I’ve a similar pour over contraption but mine has a tab to release the coffee into the cup below so you can let the coffee sit for a while.

Roundbadge > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 12:37

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Sounds tasty.

My preferred method of good-coffee making is grinding the beans, letting them bloom for 10 minutes, then putting them in my Bialetti Moka pot. 6 minutes later, coffee. Unfortunately, it’s only 6oz, so if I want another cup I have to start grinding immediately after putting the pot on. then after pouring out, the entire pot has to be cleaned before the second cup is made...now 2 cups of coffee has taken 20 minutes to make, which is flat-out ridiculous.

I just make my one cup of coffee in my Keurig every morning, and save the Moka pot for Saturday/Sunday.

itschrome > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 12:42

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Nice, but it’s not slow enough. I’m all in on cold brew my self. Mostly I never drink hot coffee and am sensitive to bitter and acid, which cold brew limits. I do a room temp 24 hour step on my cold brew, which I then chill over night in the fridge. 48 hours for a cup o Joe, hmmmm pretentious..

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > Textured Soy Protein 01/10/2018 at 13:34

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I have that Bonavita at home. It’s tasty, but a notch below aeropress in flavor.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > random001 01/10/2018 at 13:35

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The electricity in my building makes me nervous about having my own kettle, otherwise that will be my next step.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > itschrome 01/10/2018 at 13:37

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Have you tried aeropress? It’s very low bitterness and acidity, even with mediocre coffee. Be sure to use water below boiling temperature to keep out the bitterness.

I’m going to try cold brew when summer rolls around.

random001 > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 13:37

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You can just microwave the water in a mug, but the filtered water is key.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > Bluecold 01/10/2018 at 13:37

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Interesting. I’ve never paid for a cup of aeropress, but I make better coffee with it than almost any other method.

itschrome > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 13:43

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180 degrees and below to stop bitterness and acidity.. But regardless I generally don’t drink hot coffee. So I haven’t used one in a while. Basically since I discovered cold brew.

Tips on cold brew: the colder the temp during brewing the longer it takes. In the fridge I find 36 hours is the sweet spot. Cold doesn’t actually mean cold it’s just sub 180 Degrees brewing. Brewing at room temp yields bolder flavors in shorter times. How ever you can do a “Hot Bloom” where you soak your grind with “Hot” again sub 180 degree water for a few moments then shock with cold water to stop the bloom. this allows for shorter sub room temp brews, but you run the risk of acid and bitters leeching from the hot bloom. A good Cold brew should also be a concentrate. I use 8 parts water to 1 part coffee, vs drip brew which is usually 16 to 1.

edit: you can heat up cold brew too and drink it hot.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > Jason Spears 01/10/2018 at 13:45

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These are the instructions I used, minus the scale and the kettle: https://www.craftcoffee.com/how-to-make-coffee/kalita-wave-brew-guide

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > Mid Engine 01/10/2018 at 13:47

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I work very near Queen Anne, and I have a beard, but no hat, and no skinny tie.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > itschrome 01/10/2018 at 14:00

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Hmmm, I’ll have to try this.

thejustache > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 14:07

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I recently switched to a single serve pour over at home after using a french press for a while. Given that the french press already took time I feel like this is almost quicker, and I like the results more. I need to get another one to bring into the office because I just ignore the coffee robot here unless I really need it.

Straightsix9904 > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 14:39

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Can I recommended getting an electric goose neck kettle? I make my coffee every morning with a hand burr grinder, chemex, and electric kettle It is a very nice balance of easy/good/cheap What beans do you like?

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > Straightsix9904 01/10/2018 at 15:01

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I have one at home, but our electricity situation here at work is such that I would get blamed for every outage if I had a kettle plugged in. The kettle with its temperature readout and hold function is very nice, for sure.

I’m currently enjoying beans from Victrola Coffee Roasters.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > thejustache 01/10/2018 at 15:01

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I thought the pour over would be slower, but it goes by fast while I’m at work starting my day. Cleanup is easier than almost any other method, too.

His Stigness > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 16:30

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Questions: are you measuring by just water volume (ie: boil 10oz of water, pour in), or are you using a scale. And on that, how are you measuring coffee, scale, or by volume?

Enjoying nice coffee is a sick disease. I spend $50 (2lbs) a month on lovely dark roast from hipsters in SF.

My friend, and fellow Opponaut, also got me started on now sifting my coffee, and when I decided to switch to using a Kalita at work (previously using a Bonavita machine) I had to get another Kruve sifter. I also had to get another scale.

It’s so much work, and you come off looking like such a pretentious snob to others, but I don’t give a crap, the results are so worth it.

His Stigness > Straightsix9904 01/10/2018 at 16:32

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Oh man I love my Bonavita. I bought one for work and even though I have two stovetop kettles at home (one was free to review, the other is a Hario) I bought another one because it’s so much faster than the stove, and I love the hold function.

Straightsix9904 > His Stigness 01/10/2018 at 16:38

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Whoa whoa whoa. Hold function?!?! I’m gonna buy me a new one! I have a bonavita stovetop and it is great, but I NEED this hold function one.

Bryan doesn't drive a 1M > His Stigness 01/10/2018 at 16:56

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Ha, I guessed at the amount of coffee and just used the amount of water that matched the amount of coffee I usually drink from the robot. My enjoyable result was a combination of getting lucky and having relatively low standards, at least in the coffee snob demographic.

Since the bar I have to get over is the crappy office coffee, I have a huge range of acceptable results before I somehow make something worse than that.

His Stigness > Straightsix9904 01/10/2018 at 17:16

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Ah crap, ignorance is bliss my friend. I don’t know how I’ve managed to life without a hold function, but I can’t go back.

https://www.amazon.com/Bonavita-Digital-Variable-Temperature-Gooseneck/dp/B005YR0F40

His Stigness > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/10/2018 at 17:18

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Oh I totally agree with you. I’m sure if a true snob tried my coffee they’d spit in my face. Well, maybe not spit in my face, but they’d tell me I was wrong.

But, the more I dial it in and turn up the snob meter, the better the coffee is. Sifting with the Kruve was perhaps the biggest revelation ever. No more bitter coffee, just pure perfection. And this is coming from someone who ruined their taste buds as a teenager and still has to use cream and sugar. But, in my defense, I’ve been able to dial it back since walking towards the light.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/11/2018 at 05:37

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i’m happy with this

instant!

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > Bryan doesn't drive a 1M 01/16/2018 at 17:27

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Oddly switched from the coffee robot at work to homemade cold brew today. Previously I’d flirted with pour-over, but found it a little too inconsistent and time consuming for my tastes. I like the finished product of cold brew a little better too. Downside is you have to remember to bring more in when you run out...